Singapore Zoological Garden

I am a good boy today. I accompany my parent for a family day in Singapore Zoo. We went there walk walk, take pictures and participated in the lucky draws. I can see that they are so happy. Keep telling me that they didnt expect me to pei them in any way. Yes I am probably lousy in the past but I will try to spend more time with them.

Supposingly today is a nice day. Till a phone conversation with F. She said lets pretend that I have never say wana be your gf. 30 Aug was to be erased from Nicholas' memories. Expected it to come anyway. She is not ready.

In these few days which she was my 'gf', I did notice some changes in her behaviour. She seem to care more for me and the things that I do. Maybe because of her previous failed relationship, she is less willing to give. Give as in loving a person as much as she used to do it. Hope she get over it soon. I will be waiting. Hope that 30 Sept could be the day. I wish ...

Saturday

Rested at home for the whole afternoon... then went to six avenue for dinner with those guys...
It was meat buffet and very expensive ... food not very nice though ...

Actually F wana cancel our appt after I parted with my friend. Then I go to West Coast RC to play pool or bowling ... but she changed her mind again and decided to meet me. Hah quite happy though, I felt that she is trying to spare a thought for me.

We meet and went for movie, Money not enough 2. The show was quite nice. It reflected the problems most family in Singapore have. Taking care of the elderly can be a chore, but please spare a tot for them. Whatever mistake we made were forgiven. They are the one very willingly to help us when we get into trouble. This is what parents are all about.

F is tired. Very 心疼 to see her so tired. She must be working very hard. Wunt ask her out so late next time liao. So guilty. Didnt get to hold her hand as usual. Try harder ZC hahahahaha.

Monday start work liao. I guess work is piling up during these 2 weeks. A couples of report are going to due soon. Must work harder.

Special Day

30 Aug 08 in during our phone conversation at 1am. F agreed to be my gf. I am very happy.
But in my heart I still have doubts in myself. I know she dun like all my bad habits. She dun like me to be too frank. She dun like ppl who nag too much. I know I did those thing but those are the ways to guide her to proper decision. :) Sorry my dear if I make you irritated.

But I am unsure what she like in me. I am afraid I neglect those thing she like in me as I going to change myself.

Jia you to ME.

ICT

Actually ICT was fun...
A lot of us agreed that this was a relief from work.
We do not have a lot to worry, responsibility become much much smaller.
Meet up with those buddies which suffers together with you ... catch up with them and know how have they progress in life
That was a nice session with them all ...

I enjoyed company from my fellow platoon mates. Those are the ppl who suffered with me and I know that they are not someone who will let u down when you are in need. People really must learn to treasure ppl who suffer with you. Through suffering, then you will see a person true self and character. I will update more for this wk tml. Shag.

Crossroad again

F, please take care of yourself. I am unable to talk to you for these few days.
Can someone help me tell F I love her?

Date with F

Yup went out with F. Took a cab down to Lido and find her. After which we headed to bugis, as usual, she shop shop shop hahaha. Tried my best to stop her from buying le. In the end, 3 items bought. It was drizzling. Then her little twinstar umbrella come into place. We walk to Presepolis to meet Suresh they all. Had a few drink then send her back le.

She is such a darling today. Every action she did is so beautiful and sweet. Finally get to see her after a week. She changed a bit, not so stubborn and insist on the thing she wanted liao. Feel very strongly to her, wanted to protect and take care of her. Felt that she is trying to accept me also. I might not be perfect but I certainly will try my best. No one is perfect also.

Then I asked when I can be her bf. Her answer was, "Now, just joking" "10 mins later". But as usual la, 10 min didnt come. I believe there is still something lacking but I am not very sure what is that. Gd Luck to me. I will try my best.

F, I love you.

48 hrs of freedom

This is 530pm now and I am still at home!!! This usually when you treasure your time too much. Yes I do, 48hrs of bookout time means a lot to me. Just like I got only 48 hr to live. Suresh they all are meeting for soccer and beer at 915pm. They wanted me to go so much. Haha told them I got a date le.

To Suresh: I know you guys are always there for me. Please pardon me for a moment my friends. Hope you all understand.

F went out with aunt. Being abandon again.
Haha I understand that aunt is more impt la... but just dun feel good... wanna vent some fustration and complaint :) No matter what la, I am always the one being kick aside one, because I come back too easily. 心软 is my biggest weakness. Must learn not to be so 犯贱. Love and treasure myself. Yes I am a human too.

What I did for the 21 hr since the book out?
Sleep
Check Email
Chat
Eat
Transfering some money to mum
Listen to songs
Watch olympic soccer

No one will know where I will be in the nxt 4 hrs

Sungei Gedong Leisure Camp

Went for reservist from 18th Aug. So nice to see all my friends back in camp. All have grown up. Some are preparing for marriage, some already married. Good time to expose myself to other kind of lifestyle.

Training as usual, vehicle servicing ... the daytime passes very fast... constantly on the move and doing things but after dinner time passed very slowly. Nothing to do ... no TV ... no internet ... no newspaper. Our leisure activities are playing cards and drink ... torture sia

F has been a good ger. More independant and lovelier liao. Although I am in camp, we still talk everyday. I was amazed that after a long day of physical work, I still got the energy to pei her till 1 or 2am :) She is very stubborn. The more a person want her to do certain things, the more she wont do. She like to do things her way. A bit immature though, but she has to grow up eventually. Another thing, she is very very geh gao, count every hair and cents with her friend one. Doesnt matter la, ppl only get better :) I will be with her and guide her along the way.

Smoking, gambling and drinking is my favourite past time. Very reluctant to let them go. They are my best friend no matter I am happy or sad. Gd friend ... need to let go some of you liao ... so sorry ... but I always know that you all will still be there for me when I need you.

last words of assurance

Truth always hurts ... especially tat some you love is so insensible.
I can understand how parents feel when they are so helpless to their children's behavour.

"She will not do anything insensible!"

A nice day

Today was a nice day. Spent the whole day at home chatting with F.
She is one sweet gal today also. Come out with a lot of activities ... i) go K, ii) go Mustafa, iii) go watch Money Not Enough 2. I will definitely miss her a lot when I go reservist. I think this is love ba ... to miss and worry for a special person. Haha the feeling is so sweet and irritating at the same time. Although there are moments of disappointment, her smiles really make it worthwhile.

"I am sure she will take care of herself de."

Maybe is the time I had spent with her, I got very attached to her. Fate, she was there when I am feeling the worst and I was there when she was going through the 'hard' part of life too. Through all these hardship, I get to know her. We can talk anything under the sun and there is no secret between us.

I realised that my colleague and some friends had similar problem as me. I think this is a season of relationship ba. Jia you to them. If they cannot take it ... just call me for a drink :)

My family went out for Money Not Enough :) and they came back keep talking abt it. I am sure that they enjoyed it

Another happy day of my life

Haha so happy, F meet me for lunch and we went shopping...
She is such a darling when she is in good mood...
Had never see her so happy before...
Spare the details ... :)
Yes she is sweet, no doubt.
Hope she will fall in love with me soon :x
Not very optimistic but I really hope that day will come.

On Leave

Today is Friday. This leave was taken to prepare for the meeting with Elaine but no more lo.
Wana meet up with F just to see her before I go for a long 2 wks break but was not given a chance. Be good liao, dun wan to be too persistent.

Feeling really very hard to control. I was once such a feelingless person, laughing at all those fools who are suffering in love. Hahaha retribution come liao. Fall in love with this stupid gal.

Hope things will get better. ICT will be a good time to cool off the loves and misses.

How is my day?

It was nice these few days. I finally see my effort paid off. Someone is becoming happier.

Maybe I should not expect more.
I offered to pick her up and send her home. But someone offered first. Vroom vroom... a car drove her home.
Her comment was, "car is easier"
I am feeling awful.
Damn awful. Damn damn awful. Damn damn damn damn awful.
I really wish to see her as much as I could before i left for my reservist.
I am not confident of myself at all.

I told myself. Let her study for her exam. Don't disturb her on Thursday. I shall try. Try to live my life without her.

I have done my part le. I think she is getting over her lowest moment of her life. I truly love her.

I have been motivating myself. Laughing, talking out loud, comforting all those who lose their fighting spirit in life. I really need someone to help me please. I am just a human.

Enough is Enough

There is no time for sadness !!!
把手放开!!! loosen the grip ...

Worst time of my life is over at this instance !!!
I had been affected badly by all those pessimistic ppl around me

1) I must cheer up :)
2) I must put in effort in my work
3) I must enjoy everyday of my life
4) I must bring laughter to my family and friends
5) Take thing easy

展超加油!
Only I can help myself

Best Aug 9 so far

This is the best AUG 9 I ever had so far.
I spend it with someone I love... being there for her when she need companion most.

She talked about her ex bf and the things they did together... sound very sour. Yes I am. She also talked about all the suitor chasing her and of cos that dont feel good also.

But better this time. She talked more abt her friends, her childhood and family.
We talked till at the playground near her place. Time really fly very fast when you are with someone u love...

Hope that things get better.

Another wrong thing

Why I always make the same mistake?
That is ... ... being there for a person when they feel sad.
Among the 3 guys in her life now, I am not in her choice.
That is because I make her think of sad thing whenever I am with her.
That is because she tell me too much, seeing me remind of her unhappy past.
I think this is a gone case again.

"Friend cannot be bf"
Then I rather not be friend. I am selfish I know. But that is very painful for me to be with her.
Remind me of Mike. 10 year persistent only get paid off in DRAMA.

Give her x months ba...

Another bad day

ting has given me up once again...
lian went out with ex bf...
i am caught in a fucked up situation again...

A Very Sad Day

From Elaine Chua Si Ting:
"if one day u nv me in MSN, more calls le.. dun find ting k"
"jus remember that ting got like u b4 can le"
"if one day ting ting more, u bring her ting k"
"heart got hole "
"i will have breathing problems in times to come"
"honestly w/o u i felt lost"
"i dun wan pple suffer with me"
"i love u . . i will set u free"
"i dun wan u to suffer"
"i dun wan u to do sometng not worth it"

Now I know the reason why she is avoiding me. I am a victim to circumstances. I have no control over my life. She had already make a decision for me. No matter what she will always be in my heart... ... always

Quote of the day

'ya want to go with him'

Updates

Life has not been so good in such a long time.
Met this someone special.
But she could not make up her mind.
I think I will have to just hang on.
Let go when the time is right.
Sweetness and pain always come together.