Oudated entries

20 Nov: Sponsorship tio rejected ... sian 1/2

22 Nov: Paul wedding at Swissotel Merchant ... food was damn nice ... after that join S they all for soccer ... Arsenal lost ... lose big

23 Nov: MJ at Mike house ... lose $60

25 Nov: Reached Maju at 650pm for my ippt and the idiot dun let me in-pro ... Counter close at ard 6pm ... waste of my time sia

26 Nov: Supper at bugis ... 阿秋 dessert shop ...

108km completed

Went for a cycling trip over the weekend to desaru.
We rented out bicycle from Changi Village and take a ferry to Pengarang.

From Pengarang, we cycle 17 km to our lunch place ... had a light lunch
Then we cycle 30+ km to desaru ...
On the way, there are uphill and downhill ... after every up ... there will be down wor ...
That is the only motivation when I am going up ... look forward to the downhill ...

Had an accident and cut my hand ... a lot of blood ...

hahaha CS also tio

Reach the resort at ard 530 pm ... leg were aching and ASS pain too !!!

Laze around for a while and had our dinner .... dinner SUX!

The next day, we set off at 945am and reaches the lunch area at ard 1pm. The return journey is easier ... more downhill than uphill ...
Lunch was great !!! We had lobsters, crayfish, ostrich and other ...

After lunch was tough ... although this was the last 17km ... but leg seem to be giving way ... every peddle need more effort ...

The feelin is sensational when we reach the jetty ... 108km completed in 2 days ... This is an achievement for me . =D

Weekly update

10th Nov
-----

11th Nov
Sponsorship interview went on fine ... there are a lot applicant ... Hope for the best ba ... life still goes on =)

Had a 2 hr meeting with supplier and a oversea teleconference ... shag !!!

Went jogging ... my timing improve by 1min !!! Haha I think I can pass my ippt liao ... jia you !!! 100 dollar to come

Receive news that sgt leong met with an accident and was in coma for a week. Now he is recuperating at home ... lower body paralyse ... haiz why heaven like to make fun of people ... he is getting married this year and this kinda thing happen ... It must be damn bad for his family and wife =(

12th Nov
Went supper with Su, had ice cream wafer with strawberry ... yum yum

Arsenal won Man U 2-1

Went penisular to get EPL tags for my jersey ... then went prinsep for soccer ...
Juliana join us with a fren ... she is fun wor ... full of crap ...
Suresh ask me to try ... hahaha siao ah ... y all ppl keep askin me to try sia ... 1 at a time please
Arsenal won sia, finally, after so many shiit game, they beat Man U ... Nasri the hero ...

weekly update

5th Nov
Jogging ... training for my 2.4km ... timing 13:25 ... still a long way to go

6th Nov
Played bball after work ... top scorer sia ... always feel good in the court

7th Nov
Had a dinner at Keat Hong with suresh and gang ... CRAB, prawn, meat, fish, squid ... damn nice
After that we went to Kbox Clementi and sing till 2+am ... haha shag

Manage to get the gal hp lo ... has been messaging her these few days ... she doesnt sound too enthu, neither is she very bo hiu ... gamble ... and TRY it out ... not to jump in hor !!!

latest odds from patrick

Guoxiang : 2.45
Zhewei : 3.20
Jonathan : 3.65
Xiao Xing : 55
Patrick : 55
Zhan Chao : 4.20

Week update

28/10/08 : Jogging
29/10/08 : Swimming
30/10/08 : Movie: Tropic Thunder ... comedy with a lot of explosion scene ... I would rather the director use the money to make something more meaningful.

Went for a short seminar at work today. It is about healthy mind ... The speaker advise ppl to think positive, have time for fun and help other ppl. Need to improve on 'helping ppl' :) He also said that friends are impt in life ... Talk to ppl when you are feeling stress ...

Friend's words hurt sometime. Especially when you are sincere to a person and she dun trust you. She is protecting her friends from me as if I am a BAD GUY. That is a big letdown. This kinda friend hor ... disappointing

'Disappointment come with expectation'
I wun be disappoint if I dun care ... hahaha

Over the weekend

24/10/08

S issue come to an end le. Hope he will be more careful next time.

25/10/08

Stay at home whole day. Watch soccer and gamble ... haha

26/10/08

Went to S and V house for house visit today. Happy Deepavalli. Had lots of curry. Yum Yum. Drove S's dad car for a while. Love driving sia.

27/10/08

Went City Hall to collect jersey at 2pm. Guess who i see there ... Juliana !!! haha 6 years didnt see her le ... really grow up to be a sweet young lady ... accompany her talk cork for a while ...this makes my journey worthwhile ...

Life ...

Haiz ... life really dun reward good ppl ... one of my friend got into trouble ...
Just because of a casual chat he had with his student ...
Words are scary ... when words are passed around ... misunderstanding occurs ...
All the effort he put in ... makes him feel the pain ... when u treat ppl sincerely and get this kinda result ... this really kill passion ...
Getting sack will need to pay $50, 000 penalty ...
He is a good teacher ... let hope this little setback wont cause him his job ...
I will pray for you ... Gd luck my friend ...

Life goes on ...

48hr without someone so dear ...
Lifes really goes on ...
Still feel the ouch at the thought that she is someone else now ... in someone arms
Still miss her voice, smile and laughter ...
Still miss the shopping ... the movies
Still miss her indecisiveness

Everything of her is like printed onto my mind and I cant get them off.
I had convinced everyone that I am alright le ... but haizzz i hate it

Redhill, TBP, Chinatown, Outram ... the most memorable places ...
Everytime I passed by Outram Mrt ... I will look at the seat which we sit and examine ppl.
Those were the daysss ... =(

我以为 - 品冠

你曾说不想有天让我知道
你对他有那么好
你说会懂我的失落
不是靠宽容就能解脱

我以为我出现的时候刚好
你和他正说要分开
我以为你已对他不再期待
不纵容他再给你伤害

我以为我的温柔能给你整个宇宙
我以为我能全力填满你感情的缺口
专情陪在你左右弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真以为奇迹会发生

我以为终究你会慢慢明白
他的心已不在你身上
我的关心你依然无动于衷
我的以为只是我以为

我以为我的温柔能给你整个宇宙
我以为我能全力填满你感情的缺口
专情陪在你左右你不怕一切的错
也许我太过天真以为奇迹会发生

他让你红了眼眶你却还笑着原谅
原来你早就想好你要留在谁的身旁
我以为我够坚强却一天天的失望
少给我一点希望
希望就不是奢望

我以为我的温柔能给你整个宇宙
我以为我能全力填满你感情的缺口
专情陪在你左右弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真以为奇迹会发生

他让你红了眼眶你却还笑着原谅
原来你早就想好你要留在谁的身旁
我以为我够坚强却输的那么绝望
少给我一点希望希望就不是奢望

Over the wkend

18/10/2008:
Ah boon big day today ... Congratulation ... Hope you have a blissful marriage. They had a solemnization at Goodwood Park hotel.

Meeting Suresh they all for dinner ... drank a lot more than normal days ... Guys thanks a million ... Someone still offer to introduce gal to me ... hahaha

19/10/2008:
Got the last thing i left with her le ... PSP :)
At nite, WQ jio supper ... we had fun ... talked about a lot of thing ... They are so understanding too. One very good word is used, ****. Great word to describe woman :x

20/10/2008:
Spoke to my manager today after the Master programme. He is very supportive. If I really get the sponsorship, I will do my best and get my Master before 30.
Life goes on ... the world wont stop for anyone ...
Just keep myself busy and dun think abt her ba ...

the lovely gal

Long Long ago ... Secret Unveiled

That person she is refering to was me. I got a little feeling for her too but missed the opportunity. Why was I so stupid? Good chance never come twice ...

Thank you guys

A million thanks to:
Suresh, Valli, Glenn, Mike ... thanks for rushing down to accompany me ... I greatly appreciated your concern.

Chernleng, Chengsiong for listening to my nonsense ...

People ... I will get over this very fast ... You will see a brand new me soon ... I promised!!!

Letting go Day 2

I was looking forward to the movie date with F ... too bad all over le

I couldnt work for the whole day.
Not that I didnt expect it to come ... just that I didnt expect it to come so fast ...
Everything that I did cannot compete to the thing he did ... I lose it so easily ...
I wana slowly let go and hope that time can ease everything ... BUT
things dont go as expected.
I gone through a lot with her ... Just as she is seeing light in her life ... the person she sees is not me.

Why is heaven so unfair to me?
I worked hard. I put in effort. And ppl can just took her away so easily. I bet the whole world can see what I had done. What so meaningful about this life? I had always ask ppl to work for what they want ... God will help ppl who help themselves ... BUNCH OF RUBBISH ...

I am not expecting a lot ... just simple love and respect from someone I love. Simple ... I am a simple person ... very simple ...
Little thing can make me very happy ...

This does not help me in moving on from her ... this only make me stuck there ...
Totally STUCK.

Letting go ... Day 1

3rd week anniversary since 25 Sept

I am moving on le ...
Didnt really think of her much in the day time but she called ...
she asked whether I am free tml ... she wana watch movie ... i say "tml then say"
She was not on my mind for quite a long time ...

But when the night came ... nabeh ... siao liao
Hahaha still concern of her la ... just called her to ask her go back early ...
Still will miss her ... wana know her whereabout ... hope that she take care of herself
Dear ... pls dun let ppl worry le ba ... I cannot move on if u r still insensible.

Getting use is the word to use ba ... I will get use de ... I can do it !!!
I love her but she dun love me ...
That just too bad.

Another bad day ...

Hi ... I have got a happy half day ... F was so concerned what appointment I have today ... and she said can meet me for dinner tonite ...

at 2.45pm tio fly a big plane again ... except that this time is earlier ... she is meeting schoolmate to buy textbook from her ...
I was like so dispensible ... any Tom, Dick and Harry can come into our way and disrupt me meeting her.

Am I being very irritating and irrationale? Loving a person make me an idiot and a fool. I was very taken for granted. A lot of ppl is telling me this too. I am really damn fan jian. Cannot stand myself liao. Wish that I can just leave this place and go to one where ppl appreciate. I think that she is feeling stressed meeting me. Being with me is hard ba because I am hard to please. That is like the way her bf treat her ba, dispensible and unimportant. Want then meet dun wan you can fucked off. She tio once before, why is she doing it to other ppl?

Retribution? What I did to deserve all these pain?

The more plane u get flied, the more fear u have ... 2 planes in a week ... How can I take this shit?

I think God is giving me a direction le. I should give up and move on. Thank you.

Things are getting bad ...

I got fly a big aeroplane by F. Agreed to have dinner with me. Just as i was going to leave work then she say cancel. Fucking angry. After a long long time of angry then she tell me her fren with her, she cannot go meet me. Can she just tell me earlier?

I called Rin and meet her for dinner. She is such a nice person. 1 call and she is there. Really appreciate that. I treat her to Pastamania. :)

Got very weird feeling ... feel like I am falling back to my old self again ... God please help me ... that is really bad. I dont wan to get emotional. I am the happy, jovial person.

是你的就是你的... well said well said ...
Looks like I done my best le ... the rest is up to God le ... I give up ... I cannot fight fate and destiny. Thank you for letting me know this.

Weekend

Saturday:
Went to Irene jie house for housewarming... her house is so nice ...
although small but well decorated and designed...
meet suresh they all for pool and dinner as usual...

Sunday:
Went to play soccer ... didnt really have any good game
F suddenly called me ... she is in deep trouble lo ... her grandma wana chase her back home ...
Stupid she, went to club at 1am and was not back since then ... no wonder grandma is angry ...
I bet her granny is very worry ... gal who stay over are bad gal ... i agreed to certain extent ...
sometime i could not stop worrying when she go for stay over too ...
I accompany her to IMM for lunch and help her think of some idea to tackle the grandma ... she bought a bag ...
Hope that she will be well

Supper with F

Meet F for supper today ...
She give me such a simple feel today ... she is back to norm le ...
Jia you my dear ...

a bit of touch

From F blog:

" okie, i wrote this post specially for my dear frenn, Nickyy.hahs.

u told me to write a reflection,and i tot i might as well write u a short post here.

i wanna thank you for everything,
every single thing u have done for me.
from the late nite chats, to smses, to outings.

u been through it all wif me.
u stood by me when the i felt the whole world is
moving away.

when i was down, u encouraged me, pushing me to
the top

of cuz, dere are times i got alil too full of myself
and u bring me down to earth
in case, my head hits the ceiling
=X

u heard my cries, saw my fears, witnessed the
downright lousy me
and u never gave me up.

i'm thankful, i'm contented, to know a friend like you
and i truely appreciates it.

smile Nicky, not for me.
but becos u deserve it all.
=) "

Sicky Puppy

7 Oct: MC at home ... sleep for a long long time ... I love the flu medicine ... force me to rest ... haha

8 Oct: Unofficial 1/2 day off ... I couldnt take it ... needed rest to recover faster ... went to meet F for a while and pass her some flu medicine too ... hope I didnt spread to her lo ... poor thing

Human are weird

There are 3 group of ppl ard
1) those who encourage and support me for whatever I do.
2) those who try to discourage me and show me the fact.
3) those who didnt ask me and just be with me whenever I need them.

Thanks to all of you. Only I can help myself. I wanted to show ppl that sincerity, love and patience paid off. Please dun disappoint me GOD. These are the things which you are teaching your sons and daughter.

5 Oct

Went to work today ... did my part 4 and some modelling ...
Meet F to go Queensway, bought myself a pair of leather shoe and F a cap.
Hope she like it.

I am not loving her the way I usually do. But I am always in love with her =)

Wkend

Friday 3-10-08
The teambuilding day was a success. So happy to see my colleague enjoying themselve. At least 1 thing is done. It is not easy being a game IC =)

Didnt think of F a lot today. GOD had really help me ba. Being in a r'ship is not about thinking of the person all the time. Just be there when she need you. Be willing to give. I am happy with her now. 1 day I will be ready for rship. I am always the one not ready and not her :)

Saturday 4-10-08
Meet F for dinner and 画皮 today. The ending is nice. Then F go to Clarke Quay to have fun. I went to meet my usual gang for beer and soccer. Drank more than normal. Ask F to call me when she get home. As usual, that idiot didnt bother hahaha. I know nothing gonna happen to her one la.

End of this blog

I kan kai liao ...
I dun wan this 2nd chance anymore ...
1 wk is a gd enough time to see her effort in loving me ...
I believe there are times that she really love me ... but not very often ...
There are times that she feel that I want Nic to talk to me ...
There are times that she wanted to go out with me only ...

Let hope she is happy

Time to focus on my work ...
Good frens ... I need u all again ...

Happy 1 wk Anniversary

Don't think she rem also.
So nice to have someone to love ...
Ppl always say, loving is painful and I totally agree ...
Maybe I am just too sado, wanted to hurt myself so much =)
Companion ba ... nothing more I can ask for now ... wanted her to slowly feel her way ...
Who don't enjoy being showered with attention and love?
I do also and my time will come

I am expecting very little le. But I hate being ignored.
I spoilt her totally... haha
My way of loving is very wrong ... cannot treat someone you love too gd de ...
I always tell my friend that, but I cannot control myself =)
Since I am wrong then let it wrong ba ...
Let her be the little princess for whenever I can hold on ...

Love is:
i) sharing your life with the special someone
ii) caring and motivate each other when they are down.
iii) always be there for them and dont let them feel abandon/unwanted
iv) letting the person feel that they are loved

I am too optimistic about love and I will continue to be optimistic. No point living for anything less than the 'best'. I will continue to work hard for what I deserved. This is me.

Thursday Blue

Went to play pool with fren last nite, had some beer
Then chatted with F from 2.15 till 3.45 ...
I think I exhausted myself ... took a half day leave to rest at home ...
I need a holiday break ... but I dun think I can get it till Nov le. Sian =(
Suddenly so much thing to organise at work ... all the minor minor details need to take care of ...
Hope things dont cock up on the actual day ... stressed

Oct 2 2008

Let her be alone for the time being
The more u fear losing, the easier u will lose them

Just let her go and do what she want ba ... pray that she did nothing drastic ... PRAY PRAY
GOD please look after her.

She had suffered too much and I really want to see her happy. Please give all my happiness to her ba. I can survive de.

Work stress

Work seem to be so much now lo. Suddenly a whole load of work came rushing at me. Hope I can take them all.

Meet F today ... and we went to Chinatown point to eat her fav Subway. She bought a shirt and a jumper at chinatown. Time spent with her is always happy and enjoying. She is photogenic, keep taking pic of herself ... hahaha

Now I know the meaning of losing control. Haha first time in my life I lose control of myself.

I am so in love with this gal.

Tml gonna go back to office. Sian!!!!

learning new things

Learn 2 new things today:

i) Words are double-edged sword ... they can heal or kill
Got so hurt by some words today ... heng I strong enough

ii) Love is not meant to be said. It is to be feel and see.

Sunday Nite

Haiz, F feel she is hopson choice ... emoing sia.
Siao la ... she definitely not ... I abandon E and choose her lo. I insist to go on the concert with her and neglect E feeling.
She dun like the idea that all ppl disownned her and I was abandoned, thats why we are together.

Are we happy together?
If we are happy, why care how we get together in the first place? If given so many choice, can she make a decision anot? I am sure I will be the last in the list because she always think that way.

This is fate ba, we just meet and are there for each other when we needed company. This thing is harder to come by than anything.

Dear, I really love and treasure you. I am not abandoning you for sure. Unless you dun wan me anymore. :)

Soccer day

Played soccer today. Damn hot lo. Think I got a bit sunburnt now.

Actually meeting F to go Orchard one but now still dunno how. She is busy. :)

First wkend

I was at home whole day. The contractor were here to do up the doors. It was so dusty, all the wood chips and dust particles are flying ard lo.

F went out with her fren fren. Then she spend 180++. WOW. Woman going warehouse sales sia... really lost themselve.

I went for Mama Mia myself. First time in my life I watch a movie alone sia.

Then I went to meet F at her playgound. Feel different now wor. Really different. Can feel that she is by my side now. Jia you jia you. Hope it will continue forever.

Today? 25 Sept 2008

"I tin we should get together. :)"
"Lol. I'm serious la."
"Let's give me and you 3 chances ba. Take this is de 2nd chance."

Really shocked sia. Always sms me this kinda thing when I am unprepared. At 2pm lo, when I am having lesson. I spent some time catching my breathe. Then I think think, also no difference ma. I am always there le lo. Hahaha. I will take things easy this time. Just be myself. I am more fun and attractive than all the pattern lo. Hahaha.

Just curious why she had a sudden change of mind. I dont think I will ask ba. Maybe she will forget all tml.

Cheung Sir noticed that I didnt smoke today. Haha so observant. Thank you for the support. 3rd day le =D I am getting use to no cigee in my pocket.

Oh ya. Lost 3 soccer matches yesterday. So unpredictable. Stop le. Stop le.

feelin bad

This is one of the day I am feelin so bad.
Can GOD help me?
Please do. I need calmness.

wedding dinner

Attended wedding dinner today. So touching event.
When the couple thanks their parents and friends.
When the couple vow to keep each other company in joy and woe
When Brandon kor cry and his wife wipe his tear away.

I realise something ... ...

hard day ~~

I try quitting smoking today. Walk past TBP 7-11 and struggle to pull myself away.

It was hard ...
I was so restless, cant pay attention to what the lecturer is talking, keep dozing off, water flow out of nose.

It was easier when I am with F. She can make it happen. Really my motivation in life now.

Good work Nicholas ... you have made it today.
Try harder tml.

Manda broke up with her 'gf' Haiz poor thing ... 21st birthday coming ... gonna get her something nice. :)

Everyone is doing well

Today I did a funny thing. Since I am too early for course, I dropped by at redhill to give F a surprise. Haha she got scared by me. Haha this gal cannot take this kinda surprise. Dont play with her liao.

I think this is a good wk ... got quite a lot of gd news from my friends.

Fiona: She is growing a lot more sensible. "i wanna be a better personn. yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or to lose."

Carean: She found a new job, higher pay

Brandon kor: ROM with his wife Shuyi, holding the wedding dinner this wednesday

Elaine: She is happily in love le. Long distance relationship with someone in Australia.
If I say I feel nothing, that is confirmed a lie. I do look back in times but I know i can only walk forward. She always make gd decision, going for a degree, changing department, giving me up. I bet I am the insensible one then. I promise myself, I will grow up. Grow to be myself and to be a better person.

Boon: ROM nxt month le

another happy day of my life

Went to work this morning. Have to clear up some stuff before I go for course next wk.

Meet F to shop. We went to Far East Plaza. As usual, we ate LJS haha. Then she bought jeans, shoe. I bought her a necklace. Then her grandma need her back home becos she forgotten to bring her keys. That kuku gal wore her newly bought cloth and show me. Pretty!

After that we went to her playground. Eat tao huey. I held her hand again. :) But is I hold one, not she hold me. Haha. That is happy enough le. Be grateful ba.

Gd nite everyone.

to GOD

Does F like me?

She kept telling me we no chance de, but deep in my heart hor, I feel we got the most chance.
We will be a wonderful pair :) I cannot figure out how she feel because she changes too fast.

Time is ticking ... dateline will reach soon ... let hope we really can stand the test of time

Haven get to take a pic with her also. I wonder, "Do we look good together in picture?"

Clubbing 19 Sept

Went clubbing with F and her friends.
She dun dance very well and she dun really attract when dancing :x

Relationship between me and her is so weird hahaha.
To me she is already a gf except the intimacy part.
To her, I dunno and I dun wana guess.
We had spent lots of time together, talked a lot. Even couples cannot fight with us lo.

Things get a lot better. The feelin of losing her is becoming milder.
She grew more attractive everytime we meet. I think I am mesmerised by her liao

Enjoyed every minutes of my life with her. Thank GOD I found her.
Fiona ... I love you

Enjoying day

Played basketball with colleague... damn shiok
My team win 5 games of 7 ball in a row ... damn power ...
I am on form sia ... can score from pratically everywhere ...
I love the feeling

When will my time come?

Be patient and wait my dear ...
It is always worthwhile to wait for someone that you love ...
Just be there for her, she will realise that who is good and who is bad to her eventually ...
Wait my dear ... dont give up ...
Be strong ... she need your care and patience
Guide her on her life ... She is someone who need your guidance
Love her like you used to ... she need you a lot

Sunday

Rest at home for the whole day ...
Then F ask me pei her go TB and make her concession ... FINALLY make liao whahahaha
Then hor, wana go Chinese Garden one lo ... but the stupid rain ruin it ... wait for next year le lo ... pretty lanterns

Then we went JE to walk walk.

Then I send her back ... chat at her playground for a while.
We really know each other better that sia =D We are learning a lot from each other. She is damn lovely tonight. I was so tempted to give her a kiss :x She jio go eat more and grow fat. Then jio swimming. Finally she say next wk go club. Time to let our hairs down ... hahaha

Perhaps less expectation is good for relationship =) Beginning to trust her more le, she is not as unreasonable as I thought :x Time really flys at the playground lo.

F is ... ... a innocent and lovely gal who need proper guidance =D
Hope that she is helping herself also.

Saturday nite

Meeting suresh, jerry, valli, glenn, shirleen for dinner at prinsep ...
Watch Liverpool beat Man U ... hahaha
And arsenal trash blackburn ... hahaha

After that meet F for 4bia. Haha, that gal is so easily disturbed by such thing. Feel more relax with her liao. The trust is building up.
The show is not really spectacular, all use images and sound to scare people. The after impact on the mind is not really great. Heng ah =D

Dinner with S

Meet S for dinner yesterday. One year didnt see her le. Still the same, keep asking me to convert to christian. She say she gonna get married when she is 26. I am waiting to attend her wedding hor. Haha she say go shopping one but she cannot find the thing she like ... in the end I buy lo :) She really take effort to find the thing she really like, damn high expectation

My bag =)

In the past ......

Just cant help looking back into the past ... ...

I know F from irc. Soon after, we chatted on phone. We can chat anything under the sun. She is a happy person, very cheerful and lively. Always full of things to say and never got bored of talking. Slowly, I found her a lonely person, when her bf decided to abandon her. I was there at the right moment and right time, to be there to entertain her. Slowly, I get to know her more, her family, friends and life. Then I fell in love with this gal. This simple gal.

Soon after, I become a slave. I did everything she demanded and did extra to make her happy. During those time, it was only her in my mind.

Even during my ICT, I thought that things will get sour. To my amazement, those are the times she did consider me. That saturday we spent together was so unforgetable. How I wish time can stop at that moment. I held her hand and told her "dunno when can I hold this hand again."

True enough. things get sour after that. I become very possessive and irritating. My care and concern become a burden to her and she is feeling breathless. She feel that we are not suitable for each other. I totally agree and I decide to change and take things easy. I will still care for her and be there whenever she feel sad. Never will I let her down or abandon her. Other things just leave it to GOD and fate. I am serious about this relationship.

I could not love her the way she want me to because I am myself. Hope she will treasure our relationship and try and work it out.

I love her.

Dinner out

Had dinner with Mike and company at Clementi.
Then we played pool.
So nice. I love pool. Keep me focus.

Inflicting Guilt

Sorry to all the people I hurt. I realised my mistake. I will open my heart to love and not guilt. I will try my best to change. Please give me a chance. :)

" Never do favors, just DO. Never lend, just GIVE. If you can let your heart be lead by LOVE and expect nothing back, you have not placed guilt upon anyone and they remain free. Where Shakespeare states in Hamlet, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be", it doesn't mean to deny a persons request, but to do it without obligation and without placing guilt. Also, by giving in this way, you have not made the other a Borrower either."

"Without the proper motivation, we often do things for others with the expectation of the favor being returned. We make our friends and family obligated...GUILTY before our hearts and now they OWE you."

"Another way we sometimes pass guilt onto others is to ensure they are very aware of a bad circumstance in your life and to make them feel obligated enough...guilty enough to help you out."

"Often the bad situation you are in is something you allowed to be brought on, for the sole purpose of ensuring others will help you. When you feel as though you can't do it alone, we tend to think it's necessary to place guilt upon those around us in order for them to help us. "

Insensitive ME

Now I realised the problem in me.
My word hurt a lot
I am insensitive to other ppl feeling
Every word that I say seem to push the blame on other ppl and make them feel guilty
I am uninteresting and boring

My heart is not as big as I think
Fuck man. This is damn evil.

What can I do ??? ??? ???

1 month anniversary

1 month anniversary since FIR :)
Time flies ... ...

Enjoyed the time she break up sia :x haha damn evil
Those are the time I feel wanted and important
Be there everyday for her and console her
Help her through the hardest part of her life
Talk to her every night and day
Be her GOD, slave, postman, counsellor

It is fortunate to be there when someone need you
I will be there

如果你也听说 -

突然发现站了好久
不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多

*如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我

好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么负荷
舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我

跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温热

Just another day

Woke up at 730am today, got panic and called F. Haha then she said I was too early. Sorry gal ... :) First thing I tot of is to wake u up.

Didnt msg her much today. Maybe I am getting use to it le. A little more time can cure all these love sickness.

Dont think so much le. Other thing leave it to fate ba. Although I believed fate is in my own hand, I have to give in this time. Just be happy and be there.

Chinatown again

Met F at 8pm and went to chinatown again.
She wana mend a show for her friend
Then went to TBP and she bought a bag :x
Went to her playground ... tell her more abt her lo
Then realise that she feel that I will be very miserable if I am with her ...
Haha stupid gal, she is the one who bring light to my life, the star in the night lo
Why would she make me miserable?
A simple 'thank you' and sign of appreciation is worth everything that I do.

I am growing up ... Haha

Update from E

Haha one thing I forget to update yesterday ...
E called me and tell me she got bf le.
Wish her happiness and all the best. :)
Hope that guy can take care of her and cater for all her needs.

Ever since the day I gave up on her. I know she could find another person de. I am just not good enough.

Jia you. Work hard and make myself better ba. :)

Date with F

Mum felt bored at home and went shopping alone. I couldnt pei her ... then I give her some money to shop. Hahaha she is so happy lo.

Meet up with F and we went to a couple of places :D
i) NP: She returned her library book
ii) Take her face photo for concession card
iii) Went her house to collect her top up card
iv) Chinatown: She went to fix her shoe
v) Great World City: Had Ben and Jerry ice cream
We had fun, we laughed, joked ... really enjoyed myself. But time spent with her always passed so fast.

Quite lucky though ... it was only till the end then things get a bit sour.
Yes, I am jealous. Jealous of her action to other guy.
Lastly I felt so alone at the MRT station when she left and chat with her friend. Keep looking at my watch and wait ... wait ... wait ... wait
At the 30th min, I got gastric and went to get some chocolate at cheers
45th min she is back :)
That makes the wait worthwhile.
Looking forward to the next date.

"Be content and appreciative.
Never take anything for granted.
You will never know when you will lose it"

Tat stupid gal

Haha, F called me when I was sleeping ... finally got to hear her voice le ... miss it so much
哈哈， 当我在呼呼入睡时，F 打了电话给我。 终于能听到她的声音。好想念她。

Cant believe that she went to be 1 day gf with this fren of her ... sound so immature
不敢相信她真的答应当她好友的一日女友。听起来很荒谬，也很幼稚。

She is really simple ... damn damn simple hahahahahahahaha
她真的很简单，很单纯。

Let ppl take advantage also dunno
让别人占了便宜也不知道。

Dunno how to protect and treasure herself
她不懂得保护自己，珍惜自己。

BUT Simple is so so so so attractive.
She trusts people so much. That is her 优点 and 缺点. Hope that no bad guy will hurt her. Maybe I am the only bad person in her life. Whahahaha.

She said that D birthday is coming and his favourite shoe is broken. She is going to bring it to a cobbler and mend it. That is sooooooooooooo sweet. I dunno she is so sweet one lo. Found one more 优点 of her again.

Oh ... she say that she is changing for me. I was shocked for a moment. 感动. Very.
Gal ... I am changing too. Hope that you can feel it.

Day seems like years

Now finally can understand what it feels like when day seems like years ... ...
F didnt called me last nite, neither had she reply any of my sms. Feel so uneasy. Haha. Woke up every hour to check on my phone and didnt really sleep well. Finally hear her voice this morning. :) It is glad to know that she is safe. So sorry to wake her up from her sleep.

Life get a bit slow without her chatting with me. I guess I will have to get use to it.

Played basketball after work today. It was fun.

Reminiscene

Looking back at all the sms F had sent me ...
16/07/08 is the date I give serious thought about her.
Saved some very sweet sms on 11 13 14 26 27 28 August
Held her hand on 24 Aug ... this is the most memorable nite ...
Been her 'bf' for less than 24 hr on 30Aug ... haha (this is stupid)
First movie with her was Money Not Enough 2 at TBP
Be her companion to chat everynite since duno when liao ... should be since 16/07/08
Lunch chat partner since 25/08

We went TBP, airport, sentosa, bugis street, FIR concert

Favourite place for me is her playground. Those were the time she is really depressed and I am so honoured to be there. I would go there and take a look when I go and fetch her. Haha

Wow ... in the short 1 month we did so much thing together ... amazing ... good things are worth remembering :)

Glad that I have known her ...

She is out in chalet tonite celebrating friend's 21st birthday. Hope she is enjoying herself.

Simple day

Work was fine today. Went for a meeting in the morning and clear some work back in office at noon. I starting to get use to the life back at work liao.

Feeling so lonely ... haha

Missing F. For the past month, I had lived my life around her. Since long ago, I had already treated her as a gf le. She had changed my life. My usual drinking session with my friends and my slack lifestyle. She had become the number 1 priority of my life. She is such a sweet and lovely gal. I will continue to be by her side, protecting and providing for all her need.

Jia you gal. Stay happy and strong. I will be there.

Gd nite F

"things are diff noww"
Haha of course of course ...

Gd nite F ...

Singapore Zoological Garden

I am a good boy today. I accompany my parent for a family day in Singapore Zoo. We went there walk walk, take pictures and participated in the lucky draws. I can see that they are so happy. Keep telling me that they didnt expect me to pei them in any way. Yes I am probably lousy in the past but I will try to spend more time with them.

Supposingly today is a nice day. Till a phone conversation with F. She said lets pretend that I have never say wana be your gf. 30 Aug was to be erased from Nicholas' memories. Expected it to come anyway. She is not ready.

In these few days which she was my 'gf', I did notice some changes in her behaviour. She seem to care more for me and the things that I do. Maybe because of her previous failed relationship, she is less willing to give. Give as in loving a person as much as she used to do it. Hope she get over it soon. I will be waiting. Hope that 30 Sept could be the day. I wish ...

Saturday

Rested at home for the whole afternoon... then went to six avenue for dinner with those guys...
It was meat buffet and very expensive ... food not very nice though ...

Actually F wana cancel our appt after I parted with my friend. Then I go to West Coast RC to play pool or bowling ... but she changed her mind again and decided to meet me. Hah quite happy though, I felt that she is trying to spare a thought for me.

We meet and went for movie, Money not enough 2. The show was quite nice. It reflected the problems most family in Singapore have. Taking care of the elderly can be a chore, but please spare a tot for them. Whatever mistake we made were forgiven. They are the one very willingly to help us when we get into trouble. This is what parents are all about.

F is tired. Very 心疼 to see her so tired. She must be working very hard. Wunt ask her out so late next time liao. So guilty. Didnt get to hold her hand as usual. Try harder ZC hahahahaha.

Monday start work liao. I guess work is piling up during these 2 weeks. A couples of report are going to due soon. Must work harder.

Special Day

30 Aug 08 in during our phone conversation at 1am. F agreed to be my gf. I am very happy.
But in my heart I still have doubts in myself. I know she dun like all my bad habits. She dun like me to be too frank. She dun like ppl who nag too much. I know I did those thing but those are the ways to guide her to proper decision. :) Sorry my dear if I make you irritated.

But I am unsure what she like in me. I am afraid I neglect those thing she like in me as I going to change myself.

Jia you to ME.

ICT

Actually ICT was fun...
A lot of us agreed that this was a relief from work.
We do not have a lot to worry, responsibility become much much smaller.
Meet up with those buddies which suffers together with you ... catch up with them and know how have they progress in life
That was a nice session with them all ...

I enjoyed company from my fellow platoon mates. Those are the ppl who suffered with me and I know that they are not someone who will let u down when you are in need. People really must learn to treasure ppl who suffer with you. Through suffering, then you will see a person true self and character. I will update more for this wk tml. Shag.

Crossroad again

F, please take care of yourself. I am unable to talk to you for these few days.
Can someone help me tell F I love her?

Date with F

Yup went out with F. Took a cab down to Lido and find her. After which we headed to bugis, as usual, she shop shop shop hahaha. Tried my best to stop her from buying le. In the end, 3 items bought. It was drizzling. Then her little twinstar umbrella come into place. We walk to Presepolis to meet Suresh they all. Had a few drink then send her back le.

She is such a darling today. Every action she did is so beautiful and sweet. Finally get to see her after a week. She changed a bit, not so stubborn and insist on the thing she wanted liao. Feel very strongly to her, wanted to protect and take care of her. Felt that she is trying to accept me also. I might not be perfect but I certainly will try my best. No one is perfect also.

Then I asked when I can be her bf. Her answer was, "Now, just joking" "10 mins later". But as usual la, 10 min didnt come. I believe there is still something lacking but I am not very sure what is that. Gd Luck to me. I will try my best.

F, I love you.

48 hrs of freedom

This is 530pm now and I am still at home!!! This usually when you treasure your time too much. Yes I do, 48hrs of bookout time means a lot to me. Just like I got only 48 hr to live. Suresh they all are meeting for soccer and beer at 915pm. They wanted me to go so much. Haha told them I got a date le.

To Suresh: I know you guys are always there for me. Please pardon me for a moment my friends. Hope you all understand.

F went out with aunt. Being abandon again.
Haha I understand that aunt is more impt la... but just dun feel good... wanna vent some fustration and complaint :) No matter what la, I am always the one being kick aside one, because I come back too easily. 心软 is my biggest weakness. Must learn not to be so 犯贱. Love and treasure myself. Yes I am a human too.

What I did for the 21 hr since the book out?
Sleep
Check Email
Chat
Eat
Transfering some money to mum
Listen to songs
Watch olympic soccer

No one will know where I will be in the nxt 4 hrs

Sungei Gedong Leisure Camp

Went for reservist from 18th Aug. So nice to see all my friends back in camp. All have grown up. Some are preparing for marriage, some already married. Good time to expose myself to other kind of lifestyle.

Training as usual, vehicle servicing ... the daytime passes very fast... constantly on the move and doing things but after dinner time passed very slowly. Nothing to do ... no TV ... no internet ... no newspaper. Our leisure activities are playing cards and drink ... torture sia

F has been a good ger. More independant and lovelier liao. Although I am in camp, we still talk everyday. I was amazed that after a long day of physical work, I still got the energy to pei her till 1 or 2am :) She is very stubborn. The more a person want her to do certain things, the more she wont do. She like to do things her way. A bit immature though, but she has to grow up eventually. Another thing, she is very very geh gao, count every hair and cents with her friend one. Doesnt matter la, ppl only get better :) I will be with her and guide her along the way.

Smoking, gambling and drinking is my favourite past time. Very reluctant to let them go. They are my best friend no matter I am happy or sad. Gd friend ... need to let go some of you liao ... so sorry ... but I always know that you all will still be there for me when I need you.

last words of assurance

Truth always hurts ... especially tat some you love is so insensible.
I can understand how parents feel when they are so helpless to their children's behavour.

"She will not do anything insensible!"

A nice day

Today was a nice day. Spent the whole day at home chatting with F.
She is one sweet gal today also. Come out with a lot of activities ... i) go K, ii) go Mustafa, iii) go watch Money Not Enough 2. I will definitely miss her a lot when I go reservist. I think this is love ba ... to miss and worry for a special person. Haha the feeling is so sweet and irritating at the same time. Although there are moments of disappointment, her smiles really make it worthwhile.

"I am sure she will take care of herself de."

Maybe is the time I had spent with her, I got very attached to her. Fate, she was there when I am feeling the worst and I was there when she was going through the 'hard' part of life too. Through all these hardship, I get to know her. We can talk anything under the sun and there is no secret between us.

I realised that my colleague and some friends had similar problem as me. I think this is a season of relationship ba. Jia you to them. If they cannot take it ... just call me for a drink :)

My family went out for Money Not Enough :) and they came back keep talking abt it. I am sure that they enjoyed it

Another happy day of my life

Haha so happy, F meet me for lunch and we went shopping...
She is such a darling when she is in good mood...
Had never see her so happy before...
Spare the details ... :)
Yes she is sweet, no doubt.
Hope she will fall in love with me soon :x
Not very optimistic but I really hope that day will come.

On Leave

Today is Friday. This leave was taken to prepare for the meeting with Elaine but no more lo.
Wana meet up with F just to see her before I go for a long 2 wks break but was not given a chance. Be good liao, dun wan to be too persistent.

Feeling really very hard to control. I was once such a feelingless person, laughing at all those fools who are suffering in love. Hahaha retribution come liao. Fall in love with this stupid gal.

Hope things will get better. ICT will be a good time to cool off the loves and misses.

How is my day?

It was nice these few days. I finally see my effort paid off. Someone is becoming happier.

Maybe I should not expect more.
I offered to pick her up and send her home. But someone offered first. Vroom vroom... a car drove her home.
Her comment was, "car is easier"
I am feeling awful.
Damn awful. Damn damn awful. Damn damn damn damn awful.
I really wish to see her as much as I could before i left for my reservist.
I am not confident of myself at all.

I told myself. Let her study for her exam. Don't disturb her on Thursday. I shall try. Try to live my life without her.

I have done my part le. I think she is getting over her lowest moment of her life. I truly love her.

I have been motivating myself. Laughing, talking out loud, comforting all those who lose their fighting spirit in life. I really need someone to help me please. I am just a human.

Enough is Enough

There is no time for sadness !!!
把手放开!!! loosen the grip ...

Worst time of my life is over at this instance !!!
I had been affected badly by all those pessimistic ppl around me

1) I must cheer up :)
2) I must put in effort in my work
3) I must enjoy everyday of my life
4) I must bring laughter to my family and friends
5) Take thing easy

展超加油!
Only I can help myself

Best Aug 9 so far

This is the best AUG 9 I ever had so far.
I spend it with someone I love... being there for her when she need companion most.

She talked about her ex bf and the things they did together... sound very sour. Yes I am. She also talked about all the suitor chasing her and of cos that dont feel good also.

But better this time. She talked more abt her friends, her childhood and family.
We talked till at the playground near her place. Time really fly very fast when you are with someone u love...

Hope that things get better.

Another wrong thing

Why I always make the same mistake?
That is ... ... being there for a person when they feel sad.
Among the 3 guys in her life now, I am not in her choice.
That is because I make her think of sad thing whenever I am with her.
That is because she tell me too much, seeing me remind of her unhappy past.
I think this is a gone case again.

"Friend cannot be bf"
Then I rather not be friend. I am selfish I know. But that is very painful for me to be with her.
Remind me of Mike. 10 year persistent only get paid off in DRAMA.

Give her x months ba...

Another bad day

ting has given me up once again...
lian went out with ex bf...
i am caught in a fucked up situation again...

A Very Sad Day

From Elaine Chua Si Ting:
"if one day u nv me in MSN, more calls le.. dun find ting k"
"jus remember that ting got like u b4 can le"
"if one day ting ting more, u bring her ting k"
"heart got hole "
"i will have breathing problems in times to come"
"honestly w/o u i felt lost"
"i dun wan pple suffer with me"
"i love u . . i will set u free"
"i dun wan u to suffer"
"i dun wan u to do sometng not worth it"

Now I know the reason why she is avoiding me. I am a victim to circumstances. I have no control over my life. She had already make a decision for me. No matter what she will always be in my heart... ... always

Quote of the day

'ya want to go with him'

Updates

Life has not been so good in such a long time.
Met this someone special.
But she could not make up her mind.
I think I will have to just hang on.
Let go when the time is right.
Sweetness and pain always come together.

Pay Back Time

CPF loan start le...
$363 every month for the next 72 month...
I am a poor man now.

Quote of the day

努力未必会成功，但放弃必定失败

Good news

Pay rise this work year is higher than expected...
It is always better to expect less and get surprises :)

FIR concert

FIR is coming to town ... ...
After searching for very very very long, finally find someone who can watch with me :)
and of course i PAY.

Euro2008

Euro2008 was hell to me ...
$500 deficit for the whole tournament :(
Try harder next time !!!

Biggest loss in Euro 2008

Haiya, the biggest loss in Euro 2008 is $200
Holland lose to Russia...
The team which make me win the most let me lose the most...
This is life ... ...

Buying List

FIR concert tix $148
E51i $430
Arsenal 08-09 Home jersey $90

Swiss and Turks both didnt make it

Bad start for the Euro for me. Both Swiss and Turk lose their handicap. Good thing for me is I won some bet in total goals and under/over. At least not claypot yet.

European Championship Group B
Poland
Austria
Croatia
Germany

Austria vs Croatia
Germany vs Poland

This looks simple. Croatia had a very good goal difference in qualifying stage and Austria had not played much competitive soccer. Germany is spectacular at their friendlies. A more straight forward bet would be Germany and Croatia on handicap.

MSc

Planning for my MSc, probably part time from July2009
$3500+ per year for 2 years at least ... ...

Hohoho Euro 2008!!!

Euro will start tonite with host nation Switzerland vs Czech .....

European Championship Group A
Czech Republic
Portugal
Switzerland
Turkey

Host nation usually get through the group stage ... If Switzerland cant beat Czech, I dont think they can beat turket and portugal to qualify also.

I feel that the Swiss is strong enough to handle Czech ... take Swiss on level handicap....

Portugal seems too favourite... "Heavy boat sink." Take Turkey on +3/4 handicap...

Please support our nation, Singapore!!

02 JUNE 2008

Sky is always prettier in other country

Soveniors for the trip

Euro 2008

Euro2008 prediction:
Holland: Final/Champion
Italy: Final
Portugal: Semi Final
Switzerland: Quarter Final

Given the championship winner odds. Holland most impressive.

Macau 2008, 23May-25May

Justin, Suresh, Glenn, Valli
Chernleng, Mike, ME