learning new things

Learn 2 new things today:

i) Words are double-edged sword ... they can heal or kill
Got so hurt by some words today ... heng I strong enough

ii) Love is not meant to be said. It is to be feel and see.

Sunday Nite

Haiz, F feel she is hopson choice ... emoing sia.
Siao la ... she definitely not ... I abandon E and choose her lo. I insist to go on the concert with her and neglect E feeling.
She dun like the idea that all ppl disownned her and I was abandoned, thats why we are together.

Are we happy together?
If we are happy, why care how we get together in the first place? If given so many choice, can she make a decision anot? I am sure I will be the last in the list because she always think that way.

This is fate ba, we just meet and are there for each other when we needed company. This thing is harder to come by than anything.

Dear, I really love and treasure you. I am not abandoning you for sure. Unless you dun wan me anymore. :)

Soccer day

Played soccer today. Damn hot lo. Think I got a bit sunburnt now.

Actually meeting F to go Orchard one but now still dunno how. She is busy. :)

First wkend

I was at home whole day. The contractor were here to do up the doors. It was so dusty, all the wood chips and dust particles are flying ard lo.

F went out with her fren fren. Then she spend 180++. WOW. Woman going warehouse sales sia... really lost themselve.

I went for Mama Mia myself. First time in my life I watch a movie alone sia.

Then I went to meet F at her playgound. Feel different now wor. Really different. Can feel that she is by my side now. Jia you jia you. Hope it will continue forever.

Today? 25 Sept 2008

"I tin we should get together. :)"
"Lol. I'm serious la."
"Let's give me and you 3 chances ba. Take this is de 2nd chance."

Really shocked sia. Always sms me this kinda thing when I am unprepared. At 2pm lo, when I am having lesson. I spent some time catching my breathe. Then I think think, also no difference ma. I am always there le lo. Hahaha. I will take things easy this time. Just be myself. I am more fun and attractive than all the pattern lo. Hahaha.

Just curious why she had a sudden change of mind. I dont think I will ask ba. Maybe she will forget all tml.

Cheung Sir noticed that I didnt smoke today. Haha so observant. Thank you for the support. 3rd day le =D I am getting use to no cigee in my pocket.

Oh ya. Lost 3 soccer matches yesterday. So unpredictable. Stop le. Stop le.

feelin bad

This is one of the day I am feelin so bad.
Can GOD help me?
Please do. I need calmness.

wedding dinner

Attended wedding dinner today. So touching event.
When the couple thanks their parents and friends.
When the couple vow to keep each other company in joy and woe
When Brandon kor cry and his wife wipe his tear away.

I realise something ... ...

hard day ~~

I try quitting smoking today. Walk past TBP 7-11 and struggle to pull myself away.

It was hard ...
I was so restless, cant pay attention to what the lecturer is talking, keep dozing off, water flow out of nose.

It was easier when I am with F. She can make it happen. Really my motivation in life now.

Good work Nicholas ... you have made it today.
Try harder tml.

Manda broke up with her 'gf' Haiz poor thing ... 21st birthday coming ... gonna get her something nice. :)

Everyone is doing well

Today I did a funny thing. Since I am too early for course, I dropped by at redhill to give F a surprise. Haha she got scared by me. Haha this gal cannot take this kinda surprise. Dont play with her liao.

I think this is a good wk ... got quite a lot of gd news from my friends.

Fiona: She is growing a lot more sensible. "i wanna be a better personn. yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or to lose."

Carean: She found a new job, higher pay

Brandon kor: ROM with his wife Shuyi, holding the wedding dinner this wednesday

Elaine: She is happily in love le. Long distance relationship with someone in Australia.
If I say I feel nothing, that is confirmed a lie. I do look back in times but I know i can only walk forward. She always make gd decision, going for a degree, changing department, giving me up. I bet I am the insensible one then. I promise myself, I will grow up. Grow to be myself and to be a better person.

Boon: ROM nxt month le

another happy day of my life

Went to work this morning. Have to clear up some stuff before I go for course next wk.

Meet F to shop. We went to Far East Plaza. As usual, we ate LJS haha. Then she bought jeans, shoe. I bought her a necklace. Then her grandma need her back home becos she forgotten to bring her keys. That kuku gal wore her newly bought cloth and show me. Pretty!

After that we went to her playground. Eat tao huey. I held her hand again. :) But is I hold one, not she hold me. Haha. That is happy enough le. Be grateful ba.

Gd nite everyone.

to GOD

Does F like me?

She kept telling me we no chance de, but deep in my heart hor, I feel we got the most chance.
We will be a wonderful pair :) I cannot figure out how she feel because she changes too fast.

Time is ticking ... dateline will reach soon ... let hope we really can stand the test of time

Haven get to take a pic with her also. I wonder, "Do we look good together in picture?"

Clubbing 19 Sept

Went clubbing with F and her friends.
She dun dance very well and she dun really attract when dancing :x

Relationship between me and her is so weird hahaha.
To me she is already a gf except the intimacy part.
To her, I dunno and I dun wana guess.
We had spent lots of time together, talked a lot. Even couples cannot fight with us lo.

Things get a lot better. The feelin of losing her is becoming milder.
She grew more attractive everytime we meet. I think I am mesmerised by her liao

Enjoyed every minutes of my life with her. Thank GOD I found her.
Fiona ... I love you

Enjoying day

Played basketball with colleague... damn shiok
My team win 5 games of 7 ball in a row ... damn power ...
I am on form sia ... can score from pratically everywhere ...
I love the feeling

When will my time come?

Be patient and wait my dear ...
It is always worthwhile to wait for someone that you love ...
Just be there for her, she will realise that who is good and who is bad to her eventually ...
Wait my dear ... dont give up ...
Be strong ... she need your care and patience
Guide her on her life ... She is someone who need your guidance
Love her like you used to ... she need you a lot

Sunday

Rest at home for the whole day ...
Then F ask me pei her go TB and make her concession ... FINALLY make liao whahahaha
Then hor, wana go Chinese Garden one lo ... but the stupid rain ruin it ... wait for next year le lo ... pretty lanterns

Then we went JE to walk walk.

Then I send her back ... chat at her playground for a while.
We really know each other better that sia =D We are learning a lot from each other. She is damn lovely tonight. I was so tempted to give her a kiss :x She jio go eat more and grow fat. Then jio swimming. Finally she say next wk go club. Time to let our hairs down ... hahaha

Perhaps less expectation is good for relationship =) Beginning to trust her more le, she is not as unreasonable as I thought :x Time really flys at the playground lo.

F is ... ... a innocent and lovely gal who need proper guidance =D
Hope that she is helping herself also.

Saturday nite

Meeting suresh, jerry, valli, glenn, shirleen for dinner at prinsep ...
Watch Liverpool beat Man U ... hahaha
And arsenal trash blackburn ... hahaha

After that meet F for 4bia. Haha, that gal is so easily disturbed by such thing. Feel more relax with her liao. The trust is building up.
The show is not really spectacular, all use images and sound to scare people. The after impact on the mind is not really great. Heng ah =D

Dinner with S

Meet S for dinner yesterday. One year didnt see her le. Still the same, keep asking me to convert to christian. She say she gonna get married when she is 26. I am waiting to attend her wedding hor. Haha she say go shopping one but she cannot find the thing she like ... in the end I buy lo :) She really take effort to find the thing she really like, damn high expectation

My bag =)

In the past ......

Just cant help looking back into the past ... ...

I know F from irc. Soon after, we chatted on phone. We can chat anything under the sun. She is a happy person, very cheerful and lively. Always full of things to say and never got bored of talking. Slowly, I found her a lonely person, when her bf decided to abandon her. I was there at the right moment and right time, to be there to entertain her. Slowly, I get to know her more, her family, friends and life. Then I fell in love with this gal. This simple gal.

Soon after, I become a slave. I did everything she demanded and did extra to make her happy. During those time, it was only her in my mind.

Even during my ICT, I thought that things will get sour. To my amazement, those are the times she did consider me. That saturday we spent together was so unforgetable. How I wish time can stop at that moment. I held her hand and told her "dunno when can I hold this hand again."

True enough. things get sour after that. I become very possessive and irritating. My care and concern become a burden to her and she is feeling breathless. She feel that we are not suitable for each other. I totally agree and I decide to change and take things easy. I will still care for her and be there whenever she feel sad. Never will I let her down or abandon her. Other things just leave it to GOD and fate. I am serious about this relationship.

I could not love her the way she want me to because I am myself. Hope she will treasure our relationship and try and work it out.

I love her.

Dinner out

Had dinner with Mike and company at Clementi.
Then we played pool.
So nice. I love pool. Keep me focus.

Inflicting Guilt

Sorry to all the people I hurt. I realised my mistake. I will open my heart to love and not guilt. I will try my best to change. Please give me a chance. :)

" Never do favors, just DO. Never lend, just GIVE. If you can let your heart be lead by LOVE and expect nothing back, you have not placed guilt upon anyone and they remain free. Where Shakespeare states in Hamlet, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be", it doesn't mean to deny a persons request, but to do it without obligation and without placing guilt. Also, by giving in this way, you have not made the other a Borrower either."

"Without the proper motivation, we often do things for others with the expectation of the favor being returned. We make our friends and family obligated...GUILTY before our hearts and now they OWE you."

"Another way we sometimes pass guilt onto others is to ensure they are very aware of a bad circumstance in your life and to make them feel obligated enough...guilty enough to help you out."

"Often the bad situation you are in is something you allowed to be brought on, for the sole purpose of ensuring others will help you. When you feel as though you can't do it alone, we tend to think it's necessary to place guilt upon those around us in order for them to help us. "

Insensitive ME

Now I realised the problem in me.
My word hurt a lot
I am insensitive to other ppl feeling
Every word that I say seem to push the blame on other ppl and make them feel guilty
I am uninteresting and boring

My heart is not as big as I think
Fuck man. This is damn evil.

What can I do ??? ??? ???

1 month anniversary

1 month anniversary since FIR :)
Time flies ... ...

Enjoyed the time she break up sia :x haha damn evil
Those are the time I feel wanted and important
Be there everyday for her and console her
Help her through the hardest part of her life
Talk to her every night and day
Be her GOD, slave, postman, counsellor

It is fortunate to be there when someone need you
I will be there

如果你也听说 -

突然发现站了好久
不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多

*如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我

好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么负荷
舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我

跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温热

Just another day

Woke up at 730am today, got panic and called F. Haha then she said I was too early. Sorry gal ... :) First thing I tot of is to wake u up.

Didnt msg her much today. Maybe I am getting use to it le. A little more time can cure all these love sickness.

Dont think so much le. Other thing leave it to fate ba. Although I believed fate is in my own hand, I have to give in this time. Just be happy and be there.

Chinatown again

Met F at 8pm and went to chinatown again.
She wana mend a show for her friend
Then went to TBP and she bought a bag :x
Went to her playground ... tell her more abt her lo
Then realise that she feel that I will be very miserable if I am with her ...
Haha stupid gal, she is the one who bring light to my life, the star in the night lo
Why would she make me miserable?
A simple 'thank you' and sign of appreciation is worth everything that I do.

I am growing up ... Haha

Update from E

Haha one thing I forget to update yesterday ...
E called me and tell me she got bf le.
Wish her happiness and all the best. :)
Hope that guy can take care of her and cater for all her needs.

Ever since the day I gave up on her. I know she could find another person de. I am just not good enough.

Jia you. Work hard and make myself better ba. :)

Date with F

Mum felt bored at home and went shopping alone. I couldnt pei her ... then I give her some money to shop. Hahaha she is so happy lo.

Meet up with F and we went to a couple of places :D
i) NP: She returned her library book
ii) Take her face photo for concession card
iii) Went her house to collect her top up card
iv) Chinatown: She went to fix her shoe
v) Great World City: Had Ben and Jerry ice cream
We had fun, we laughed, joked ... really enjoyed myself. But time spent with her always passed so fast.

Quite lucky though ... it was only till the end then things get a bit sour.
Yes, I am jealous. Jealous of her action to other guy.
Lastly I felt so alone at the MRT station when she left and chat with her friend. Keep looking at my watch and wait ... wait ... wait ... wait
At the 30th min, I got gastric and went to get some chocolate at cheers
45th min she is back :)
That makes the wait worthwhile.
Looking forward to the next date.

"Be content and appreciative.
Never take anything for granted.
You will never know when you will lose it"

Tat stupid gal

Haha, F called me when I was sleeping ... finally got to hear her voice le ... miss it so much
哈哈， 当我在呼呼入睡时，F 打了电话给我。 终于能听到她的声音。好想念她。

Cant believe that she went to be 1 day gf with this fren of her ... sound so immature
不敢相信她真的答应当她好友的一日女友。听起来很荒谬，也很幼稚。

She is really simple ... damn damn simple hahahahahahahaha
她真的很简单，很单纯。

Let ppl take advantage also dunno
让别人占了便宜也不知道。

Dunno how to protect and treasure herself
她不懂得保护自己，珍惜自己。

BUT Simple is so so so so attractive.
She trusts people so much. That is her 优点 and 缺点. Hope that no bad guy will hurt her. Maybe I am the only bad person in her life. Whahahaha.

She said that D birthday is coming and his favourite shoe is broken. She is going to bring it to a cobbler and mend it. That is sooooooooooooo sweet. I dunno she is so sweet one lo. Found one more 优点 of her again.

Oh ... she say that she is changing for me. I was shocked for a moment. 感动. Very.
Gal ... I am changing too. Hope that you can feel it.

Day seems like years

Now finally can understand what it feels like when day seems like years ... ...
F didnt called me last nite, neither had she reply any of my sms. Feel so uneasy. Haha. Woke up every hour to check on my phone and didnt really sleep well. Finally hear her voice this morning. :) It is glad to know that she is safe. So sorry to wake her up from her sleep.

Life get a bit slow without her chatting with me. I guess I will have to get use to it.

Played basketball after work today. It was fun.

Reminiscene

Looking back at all the sms F had sent me ...
16/07/08 is the date I give serious thought about her.
Saved some very sweet sms on 11 13 14 26 27 28 August
Held her hand on 24 Aug ... this is the most memorable nite ...
Been her 'bf' for less than 24 hr on 30Aug ... haha (this is stupid)
First movie with her was Money Not Enough 2 at TBP
Be her companion to chat everynite since duno when liao ... should be since 16/07/08
Lunch chat partner since 25/08

We went TBP, airport, sentosa, bugis street, FIR concert

Favourite place for me is her playground. Those were the time she is really depressed and I am so honoured to be there. I would go there and take a look when I go and fetch her. Haha

Wow ... in the short 1 month we did so much thing together ... amazing ... good things are worth remembering :)

Glad that I have known her ...

She is out in chalet tonite celebrating friend's 21st birthday. Hope she is enjoying herself.

Simple day

Work was fine today. Went for a meeting in the morning and clear some work back in office at noon. I starting to get use to the life back at work liao.

Feeling so lonely ... haha

Missing F. For the past month, I had lived my life around her. Since long ago, I had already treated her as a gf le. She had changed my life. My usual drinking session with my friends and my slack lifestyle. She had become the number 1 priority of my life. She is such a sweet and lovely gal. I will continue to be by her side, protecting and providing for all her need.

Jia you gal. Stay happy and strong. I will be there.

Gd nite F

"things are diff noww"
Haha of course of course ...

Gd nite F ...